Self Love

Self Love

I had a hole within me. The edges were raw and aching, so I took others’ love and affection like plaster and drywall. Moving in broad strokes from top to bottom, I aimed to work quickly to cover the surface before the plaster dried. The intensity of my aching flesh departed; yet, I was still left with an empty hole.

Even when surrounded by love and support, I felt hollow. I cried for hours, knowing that I had it all, but feeling that something monumental was missing. Why was this emptiness inside of me? Why could these painfully lonely moments not be soothed by so much company?

It was then that the reality of my efforts to smooth over the edges of my void came to be. I cannot use another person’s soul as a tool to hide my own damage. On that day, I put down my trowel and accepted that this was my hole. It was not to be filled by anyone other than me.

A foundation of acceptance. This is my life. Support beams of self esteem. I am worthy of my own existence. Windows to let others see inside. I do not isolate myself from those who want to help and understand. A rooftop garden of endless goals. I always strive to become more.

This was my hole within me. I see you picking up the tools to hide your own hole, just as I once did. Stealing the hearts of others to mix into your cement. Seeking out and shoving as many people as possible into the emptiness. But they will never fill it. Stop ignoring your self love deficit by endlessly consuming the love of others. It is time to fill your hole.

-AT