The Author’s Explanation: Infinite Suffering

The Author’s Explanation: Infinite Suffering

This is one of my favorite scenes that I have written. I enjoy diving into the darker side of writing and exploring the depths of my own imagination. In this scene, titled Infinite Suffering, a man is described murdering his own lover. At first, he appears sorrowful. However, the story then twists as the audience learns that it is he who kills her. Now, the reason he kills her is because she always displays a positive and optimistic aura. This infuriates the man, who has always struggled with depression and other internal demons. Seeing her live life so happily, as if nothing could break her, fills him with envy that soon evolves into something dangerous. Therefore, he takes matters into his own hands and murders his love. His polarized personality, composed of both the love and hatred of this woman, causes him to go mad. He continues to reassure her dead body that, “everything will be alright.” The final line of the scene portrays the woman waking up and uttering a single sentence, “I believe you.” Now, this is where the title of the scene comes into play. Even in her last moment, the woman remained positive and loyal. He did not break her, and now she is dead. Thus, the man is left to suffer for all of eternity knowing that she never felt the horrors of the world as he does, and she never will.

I truly enjoyed creating this complex character, and I hope you enjoyed reading.

-AT

Infinite Suffering

Why can’t I stop the bleeding? Why can’t I fix her? - He repeats again and again, rocking back and forth, grasping his love in his hands. She is everything. She is purity and innocence. A droplet of divine perfection who has graced us with her presence in this lifeless world of grey.

But the blood.

She is so delicate and fragile. Her body like air as the knife effortlessly ripped through her skin. It now lays motionless on the floor. A knife holds no power without a sinister hand gripping it’s base.

A hand. His hand.

Yes. Now he remembers. The feeling of breaking that soul. Extinguishing the light that was much too bright for this grey world. The anger that filled him when he saw her smile like everything was so simple. The idea of pain being some inconceivable concept. It enraged him. The small flame grew until he could practically see the smoke rising from his mouth and his red hot hands would begin to shake uncontrollably.

Still he cries. He holds her close and whispers over and over again - It will be alright.

In a sudden flash her eyes open and she inhales violently choking out a single statement before falling still.

I believe you.

-AT

Self Love

Self Love

I had a hole within me. The edges were raw and aching, so I took others’ love and affection like plaster and drywall. Moving in broad strokes from top to bottom, I aimed to work quickly to cover the surface before the plaster dried. The intensity of my aching flesh departed; yet, I was still left with an empty hole.

Even when surrounded by love and support, I felt hollow. I cried for hours, knowing that I had it all, but feeling that something monumental was missing. Why was this emptiness inside of me? Why could these painfully lonely moments not be soothed by so much company?

It was then that the reality of my efforts to smooth over the edges of my void came to be. I cannot use another person’s soul as a tool to hide my own damage. On that day, I put down my trowel and accepted that this was my hole. It was not to be filled by anyone other than me.

A foundation of acceptance. This is my life. Support beams of self esteem. I am worthy of my own existence. Windows to let others see inside. I do not isolate myself from those who want to help and understand. A rooftop garden of endless goals. I always strive to become more.

This was my hole within me. I see you picking up the tools to hide your own hole, just as I once did. Stealing the hearts of others to mix into your cement. Seeking out and shoving as many people as possible into the emptiness. But they will never fill it. Stop ignoring your self love deficit by endlessly consuming the love of others. It is time to fill your hole.

-AT